Never Knew I Could Feel Like This
Never Knew I Could Feel Like This
I feel dull. I feel weird. I feel numb and void. Add anxiety, fear, and doubt and I have an overall feeling that I’ve never experienced before. I can’t help but think you must be feeling the same. The heinous and malicious COVID-19 virus has literally shocked us, ripping our lives from under us and leaving us exposed, vulnerable, lost, and helpless. What can we do? How can we help ourselves and those around us? The emotions are coming much too fast to process. The information coming in is like a debris ball hovering above me. I never knew I could feel like this.
While I don’t have the answers, I know the One who does. While I do not know what our future holds, I know WHO holds our future. With the information swirling around us, our mental and emotional capacity is overloaded. Our mindsets are continually shifting as we wonder what the next update holds. The daily processes of work, play, and life, in general, have completely shifted like the core of the earth during an earthquake. We have no idea how much food to keep on our shelves and many wonder if they will even be able to afford it. We’re overwhelmed with trying to figure out how we can help family and friends: what are they going through and what are their needs? Our heads are exploding with unwelcome thoughts. It’s too much to handle. Everything has radically changed and continues to change hour by hour, keeping many of us awake at night. Attempts to predict how we will all survive in the coming days and weeks bring us to the realization that we just don’t know. It’s like choosing which rock to step on to cross the rushing creek. If you step on the wrong one, you might wobble or slip and come crashing down. Control, at this point, is an illusion.
But we are not at the mercy of COVID-19. We are at the mercy of God. Stop for a minute and think about it, everyone around you is feeling the exact same way. Can you ever remember a time when there was one single issue that put us all on the same page or the same playing field, leveling us all to a place of utter need and dependence? Not one person around the world is exempt. Even as I type, I receive a text from a friend saying, “News conference going on now clearly says they will not cut off our food.” Who would have thought this could happen in our country?
My Mama used to tell me when I was a little girl, “If you are feeling down, go and do something nice for someone else and that will make you feel better.” That seemed to work as a child, but as her words always seemed to ring true before, I’m thinking, this doesn’t apply now. However, I am seeing and hearing about so many people helping others who have needs in the wake of this unprecedented and seemingly unsolvable tragedy. But I wonder as you might, what can I do? My frail attempts seem minuscule in light of the pandemic’s magnitude. I’m inadequate and insufficient to be able to put a dent in the war against our current Goliath, COVID-19.
After praying for God to give me personal hope and to show me how I could help others as well, He gave me a moment of clarity in the midst of my doubts and reminded me of a story I’d like to share. The story, found in John 6, is about a young boy, his five loaves of bread and two fish, and a crowd of 5,000 people surrounding Jesus.
Followed by a crowd wherever He went and likely tired physically and emotionally, Jesus had taken a moment to sit down, surrounded by His disciples. He knew the crowd was coming to look for Him, and although the disciples did not, He already knew what He was about to do. (verse 6) He asked Philip, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” Andrew chimed in, “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?” And then Jesus said, “Tell everyone to sit down.”
Jesus thanked God, took the loaves and fish, and fed the people. All of them. Until they were full. And 12 baskets of leftovers were collected.
So what does this miracle mean to us in light of our current situation?
First, we are the needy, the hungry, and the sick, and apart from Jesus we are left hopeless. Jesus saw the peoples’ needs. Jesus noticed that the crowd was hungry and felt compassion for them. He also knew that these people had larger spiritual needs that only He could meet. Both their stomachs and their hearts were empty, and He filled both in a miraculous way. And what was required of them? Only to sit down and receive His provision. He knew they were about to witness His power first hand and their eyes would be opened.
This is the same Jesus who comes to us today and promises to feed us both physically and spiritually. Our circumstances may be troubling or worse, but if we receive Him, He promises that we will not go hungry in body or soul. And it is He who will supply all your needs from his riches in glory because of what Christ Jesus has done for us. Philippians 4:19 (NLT) When we are personally cared for by a God who loves us, we are able to give Him our needs. And though our current needs are significant, they will never be too great for Him. A deep dependence on God allows us to move forward and give to others and help with their fear and insecurities. This is called grace.
Second, as we are inspired by Jesus, our provider, and protector, let's look at the boy who offered a seemingly insignificant basket of bread and fish. Probably not one person in the crowd would have seen the small boy as a solution to such a large problem. But he held the solution in his basket, and by faith, what a difference he made! Because of what Jesus did, this little, insignificant boy who offered his lunch fed thousands of people.
Do you feel insignificant or unable to help with our current challenges? Like Andrew who didn’t see the small basket of food as much help, I too am afraid there is not much I can do to help. But because of Jesus, this is not accurate. Because of Jesus, amazing, miraculous things can happen with our small contributions and efforts. So bring your gifts, your passions, your strengths, and your ideas. Don’t be afraid to pray, “This is small and I know I’m not enough. But I believe You can use my contribution and multiply it ten-fold for Your kingdom.”
While we focus on how to protect ourselves and others from a dangerous virus we’ve never before experienced, let’s expose the people around us to a compassionate love they’ve never before experienced. Your care for others might be their only hope. While we can’t predict much about the virus, we can predict the continual love of God and the effect that it has on others. Something we do could have a huge impact, not because of our efforts but because of our miraculous God. We never know how the Lord will redeem our gifts and strengths and use them in unexpected ways. He loves to work through the most unlikely people, like the little boy, and like us. In these unprecedented times, let’s watch our God move in unprecedented ways!
If you find God giving you a way to reach out and make a difference with your gifts, strengths or resources, we want to help support you and get the word out about opportunities He is birthing through you. We have a team of people who want to help you, should you have a dream or vision about how YOU can make a difference in your small neighborhood, your community or even the world, during this trying season where there are so many needs around us.
